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Somehow, I went nuts today (It was chris's fault) and started searching for recipes that use Dr. Pepper in them. It turns out, a fair amount of recipes popped up which use them for marinades. If you are ever bored (no, not you!) goto a search engine and be amazed. Here's some interesting starters.

Dr. Pepper Tacos
Dr. Pepper Beef Marinade
A Marinade for brisket. I forget what exactly brisket is.
A cake recipe

In unrelated food insanity news, next time I visit Mammoth, I've decided to stop at the Fresh Jerky stand near, uhh, I think Olancha. Here's the thing. I don't really like Jerky. Nor do I enjoy stopping in the middle of nowhere for no great reason. But, it just seems like one of those things to do on the trip. I think it's the big signs 82 miles out, no joke, that advertise simply with "Fresh Jerky". How bad do you have to want jerky to be significantly impacted across 82 miles of desert highway? I don't know, but, I'm some sign of undesired proof, perhaps.
posted by Brendon at 4:06 PM

 
Today, my first entry is rather profane. It's something I strive to avoid, especially as it's God's will to pursue holiness. It's definitely something I avoid directing at friends, as I consider it unnecessarily hurtful. But I was thinking about these song lyrics this morning, and it clicked that they describe a struggle I have too well.

2:30 in the morning
my gas tank will be empty soon
neon sign on the horizon
rubbing elbows with the moon
safe haven of the sleepless
where the deep fryer's always on
radio is counting down the top 20 country songs

out on the porch the fly strip is
waving like a flag in the wind
you know i really don't look forward
to seeing you again soon.

you look like a photograph of yourself
taken from far far away
i won't know what to do
i won't know what to say

so fuck you
and your untouchable face
fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
who am i
bet you can't even tell me that much

That's from Untouchable face by Ani DiFranco. Somehow it manages to be one of the most beautiful and touching songs while maintaining such a superficially ugly chorus.

Though I avoid behaving or talking like this, it makes perfect sense. I think we've all had dealings with a person, or people, where the situation just got to a point where it all fell apart. For me, I usually end up wallowing in regret for months on end about it, wishing that I'd get some infusion of courage to speak my mind and have my words or intentions improve the situation. But the problem is the past rejection, it taints any ability to move forward. Being open and vulnerable and saying how you really feel will leave you much more open to further rejection and pain. So, either avoid it, or try to fake that you don't really care. Maybe if you try to give the other person the emotional finger (as in the lyrics) you can build a bigger gap with more awkwardness and loathing, thinking there will be less reason to care.

The problem is, the older I get, the more I know that in truth that will never work. I think the song speaks to it, she really does know what she wants to say, but is afraid to say it, or maybe just wants to think it's all been said before. So the only thing left is to lash out and try to hurt the one that hurt you, hoping it will make them go away physically and probably mentally as well.

Nice dual meaning closing out the chorus, too. There's always that sense when you haven't seen someone for a while that you don't really know who they are anymore, and they don't know who you are. But, you can't help feeling that she felt some identity or definition through her relationship that wasn't healthy, and later realized that she couldn't look to another to tell her who she was.

Of course, it really only matters when realization changes behavior, doesn't it?
posted by Brendon at 10:39 AM

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The Date Project has ceased activity, as it's creator has reached his goal. I'm a bit sad.

This week is 4th of July, and I think I'm actually going to leave the house and mingle with people. I'm amazed ;)

I'm still very ready for a vacation. Still absolutely no word at work what the heck is going on, it's starting to drag big time. Oh well, another day another dollar, right?

And perhaps later, I will have something more important to say. I do hope so.
posted by Brendon at 12:19 PM

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